There must be a space where it is possible to be who you really are. Somewhere between being what your loved ones need you to be, being what the world requires from you and what is physically dictated by nature, there must be a place of simply being.
By constantly satisfying external demands, you eventually drift away so far from your soul that it becomes impossible to return to who you really are. It gets cluttered and layered by objects and expectations. Convention requires conforming.
You have to fit in.
It starts with: “don't think too much”,
then: “don't care too much”,
then: “don't feel too much” and
“don't be too much”.
The rules never stop, you kept thinking: “I will rebel, I will be. I won't change!” When you are young you believe in who you are, and for a time you manage to persevere, but gradually your defences get broken down. If you are odd, different, unacceptable, eventually the crowd pointing fingers telling you to conform becomes overwhelming and without wanting to, you begin hearing their music, marching to their drums.
You are always out of step though, not quite in rhythm and you always feel like you are making the big picture look a bit lopsided. The harder you try the more out of whack you feel, until finally, you are drugged beyond recognition, nodding your head and smiling, waving on command and being 'just so'
You constantly feel lost, and you are. Lost to yourself, lost to who you are and what you are and without a map to get home to your soul. I can't advice you how to get back, I can't shine a light on the way. I am lost, I know I am out there somewhere but I have taken too many of the wrong 'right turns' to find my way back. My only memory, and reminder of who I am and who I should be is my dream self. A creative brilliant goddess, completely free to breath and be. Completely me.
I need a map.
I need a light.
I need a guide.
I need to dream and remember.
I need to be.
